Supporting someone who self-harms

How you might be feeling

1.	Helpless or isolated
2.	Scared or concerned
3.	Tired or sad
4.	Shocked or overwhelmed
5.	Angry or resentful
6.	Confused
7.	Guilty

Tips for talking to them for the first time

1.	Try conversation starters like ‘I know you haven’t been doing so good recently, is there anything you want to talk about?’, ‘I’m not going to force you to talk, but I’m here if you want to.’, ‘I’ve noticed you’re acting a bit different lately, is everything okay?’
2.	Stay calm and try not to panic
3.	Be non-judgemental
4.	Take what they say seriously
5.	Let them know you're there for them
6.	Offer to help them find support

Tips for carrying on the conversation

Keep checking in with your partner or friend about how they're feeling. Here are some ideas: ‘Hey, we haven’t caught up for a few weeks, how have you been feeling recently?’, ‘How are you finding coping with wanting to self-harm?’

Other tips also includes emphasising the positive achievements they’d made in their journey and make them feel proud of those achievements etc.

How to be there for them

1.	Understand some coping strategies for self-harm
2.	Keep talking and checking in with them
3.	Remember that you don't always need to find solutions
4.	Respect how they feel
5.	Celebrate their successes
6.	Be supportive if they relapse and hurt themselves again
7.	Remind them of things that helped them before
8.	Remind them what you like or love about them
9.	Keep offering to help them find support
10.	Remember to put your own wellbeing first

What doesn’t help?

1.	Don't try to find all the answers
2.	Don't try to force them into stopping right away
3.	Don't call their self-harm ‘attention-seeking'
4.	Don’t focus on the fact they’ve hurt themselves
5.	Try not to say things like ‘you’ll be alright tomorrow’
6.	Don’t make them feel guilty or ashamed
7.	Don’t tell other people in your class or friendship group

Should I tell an adult they're self-harming?

Coping by themselves is okay to start with. But if they are struggling to find better ways to cope or you think their self-harm is getting worse, they may need support from other people.

Here are some things you can try:

1. Talk to them and offer help for them to reach out for help

2. Think about who you should speak to

3. Be honest with them about when you would call for emergency help

4. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling

Looking after yourself

Tips on how to look after yourself:

1. Set clear boundaries

2. Don't take on too much

3. Don't go through it alone

4. Keep yourself safe

5. Read blogs written by others

6. Do nice things for yourself

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